The Russian Mob

OK, here's the thing: The reason that you haven't heard from me until now is because I have been in the clutches of the Russian Mob. You think I'm kidding, but I'm not. The film I'm currently working on is called "The American Mall". Or, as I like to call it, "High School Mall Musical". It's produced by the same guys who have made the "High School Musical" movies, but on this one they have partnered with MTV (and the Russian Mob) instead of partnering with Disney (and the American Mob).

It has been insane!! We work usually 15 - 16 hours every day and in order to give people a reasonable turn around (the amount of time between wrap time one night and call time the next morning) our calls get later and later each day so that by Tuesday we have about a 1pm call and work until about 4am. Then by the end of the week (like yesterday) we had a 4pm call time and wrapped at 9am the next morning. It's nuts! They are basically trying to make a film in 25 days when really there is enough work that it should take about 35 days to shoot it. Apparently that's how the Russian Mob rolls.

OK, let me explain about the Russian Mob part. In order to cut down the cost of their own investment, these particular producers will partner with anyone (apparently) who will give them money. Enter the Russian Mob. There is a billionaire in Russia (that's right, with a "b") who owns/controls all the utilities in Russia (which one would assume requires some sort of Mob like tactics). This man has a fifteen year old daughter named Kira Plastinina to whom he has given money to design her own clothing line and open a chain of boutiques around the world. That's right, fifteen. Now, in exchange for a little more of his somewhat dubious cash, he has also purchased a small part for his daughter in our movie featuring some of her clothing designs. As a little preview, let me describe the design she wore in the show: It was a lovely gray fitted dress with black leather accents. OK, so far so good. However, when she turns around you can see that printed on her butt in black plastic lettering is "JUST RELAX. Feels like to me". Yes, this is not a typo. I'm thinking perhaps a translation problem and no one wants to be the one to tell the emporer he has no clothes. Or, in this case, tell the Russian Mobster his daughter has spent several million of his bucks making clothes with gramatical errors. Either that, or I just don't get kids these days and if I were fifteen it would make perfectly good sense.

Kira arrived this past week to film her part in the movie and I've never seen such an entourage. She put P Diddy to shame. She arrived on her own jet with about 8 assistants and a body guard. When you picture the body guard, think Viggo Mortensen in "Eastern Promises" (trench coat, black leather gloves, the works). Needless to say, I'm putting my life in danger even telling you all this. Let alone, my comments about the dress - oy, I'm dead for sure.

Other than the sheer exhaustion, constant barrage of snow and the ever-existing threat of mob violence russian style, I'm great! The director on this show is really nice and funny and just generally pleasant to be around so that makes my life much easier - especially since we spend so much of every day together. Also, when we shoot the musical numbers we have to play the same song over and over again all day long so I go to bed with the songs in my head which makes for some pretty interesting dreams - I am entertained day and night.

Well, I am off to try and get some much needed sleep. I love and miss you all and love reading your blogs. It's so nice to hear what's going on with everyone!!

Much love,
Suzie

P.S. And if you never hear from me again, contact the authorities and tell them to look wherever the Russian Mob usually hides their bodies.